7.15.2020, Day 253

“We are shifting gears”

253 days after the fall...

It’s been quite some time since the iguana dialogues with Unk began back in November of 2019. 253 days to be exact.

In May of 2020, Unk developed Femoral Head Avascular Necrosis- basically, the ball of the femur lost blood flow and deteriorated. Unfortunately, he found this out during physical therapy in an extremely painful breakdown; it was both physical as well as emotional.

For 6-7 weeks, Unk tried and tried to schedule his hip replacement surgery. He was in constant pain. His surgery needed to happen- it was scheduled for July 16th. I bought my ticket for a July 15th flight.

Despite Covid-19 restrictions, people began thinking that they could once again travel. Restrictions were eased. People went to Florida. People didn’t wear masks.

On the Sunday before his surgery, Florida spiked with over 15,000 positive tests for Covid-19.

My heart sank. Not because I knew personally the struggles of dealing with Covid-19, but because I knew Unk’s surgery would be canceled.

As if on queue, they canceled the surgery on the Monday morning before his surgery.

I told Unk that I was still coming.

Then I proposed a radical second option that I had been devising. Yes, I’m a little bit of a planner...

Unk received a text that basically said “I’m still coming, but what if we don’t stay in Florida?”

We were fortunate that the great citizens of Indianapolis were wearing our masks- unlike every state around us, we were not spiking with new cases of Covid-19. I therefore proposed that I fly down into the hot zone, grab Unk (and his charts), and slowly drive back from Florida to Indiana for him to have his surgery in Indy.

Unk initially resisted, but by that Monday afternoon both he and his doctors were on board.

Then it hit me.

OMG- I had to find a surgeon to do the hip replacement in Indy...Immediately! In a panic, I reached out to my sister and then to a close friend (and doctor) for help.

Dr. Kathleen Thomas immediately connected me with the best surgeon in Indy. Dr. Crichlow was a specialist for traumatic hip replacement surgery.

1200 miles…

I put Unk up in two different hotels in downtown Indy for the 10 days prior to his surgery. I had to keep him quarantined from everyone.

It worked.

Unk got a new hip!!!!! Dr. Crichlow said it was a very tough surgery- there was a lot of scar tissue, debris, and fibrous material where the femur ball had fallen apart, but the pelvis was stable and completely intact. The surgeon also was able to remove one of the small steel plates (and three screws) to be able to fit the new ball socket properly. Unk had lost over an inch of bone due to the femur ball necrosis. Dr. Crichlow could tell that Unk and I had a dark sense of humor, so he told me that Unk’s right leg would be 1/4" shorter than the left. I was so emotional that I believed him the entire time Unk was recovering at the hospital!

The big scare came when we inquired about which rehabilitation center he would be going to after the hospital. They would not allow it due to Covid. They also said he could not go back to a hotel- he had to have someone with him.

My house has steps to get to any full bath or bedroom. His physical therapist actually facetimed me while I walked through the house. She showed Unk that he could do steps… I was floored.

Unfortunately, Becka was bumped from her lower level living accommodations for the duration of Unk’s rehab. Unk recovered in our home for three weeks. He had 3 sisters, a sister-in-law, 3 nieces, and a nephew visit during his stay, but he still yearned to go home to Florida. The hip replacement immediately eliminated his prior pain. It was simply amazing. Despite the unexpected Covid-19 twist that prevented him from going to a rehabilitation center (or hotel) for recovery after his total hip replacement, he did amazingly well (even with all of our stairs).

Early on Friday, August 21st, 2020, Edgar, Unk and I climbed gleefully back into his Toyota for the 1200 mile return drive back to Florida. Once again, I became a race car driver...

After a brief overnight stop in Warner Robins, Georgia, it felt like we came screeching back into Lauderdale with all four wheels smoking...

He couldn’t get home fast enough.

I understood. I wanted that for him.

I had several family members, friends, and coworkers ask me how I had survived the chaos of the 9 1/2 months since his initial fall. I can see them try to justify the disruption to work, the stress, and the expenses. Honestly, I told them all that I was so honored to have been by his side on this wild rollercoaster ride. From that first day when I jumped on a plane without question, I became his advocate, nurse, therapist, and housekeeper. However, more important than all of those roles, I learned to love and be loved unconditionally.

I feel that it’s rare to see someone’s core energy, and very few people will ever get to see me the way that Uncle Tom sees me. Other than my loving husband, few will ever get to see that technicolor light (shit)show inside me. At my best, my show is blinding. However, sometimes there is darkness. Most people never knew that Unk was there for me at the lowest points in my life when the light was barely on- he propped me up emotionally [and financially] to allow me to keep going. Few people know that at those times he was my advocate and caregiver; he didn’t share those stories the way I’ve shared this one.

I am him.

He is me.

We’ve laughed and cried a lot during this experience. Although our dark humor is sometimes hard to understand, people see the love.

Thank you all for joining me on this leg of the experience. If you only take two things from this adventure:

1. Don’t chase iguanas.

2. Be there when someone needs you.

I do hope Edgar (and my very understanding husband) get really rich when they make this tale into a Hallmark movie (since that’s probably the only way my Mom and Dad will see it*).

*[I'm adding a little clarification because it was brought to my attention that this comment about Hallmark could have been misconstrued as a derogatory jab at my amazing parents. That is not the case at all. It references the fact that when I typically call my parents in the evening, they are usually watching a Hallmark movie (often for the 4th or 5th time). I joke with my parents about it. Even funnier is that after my parents visited Unk in Florida in 2019, they got him hooked on Hallmark movies too. I love my parents beyond words. Their hard work, dedication, and love is awe inspiring- I aspire to be more like them every day and would never indicate otherwise].

On my flight home, the flight attendant took one look at me and knew I had been through a lot…

Despite not having alcohol service on the plane due to Covid, she returned with a small bottle of red wine.

She quietly said, “I think you need this.”

She was right.

I gently nestled into my seat, sipped my wine, and watched as the sun began to set.

I could finally sleep that night.

He was going to be ok.